101 Reasons not to Die

Despite--or maybe because of--the way my mind tends to jet from idea to idea, I've always loved a list. It gives direction to what is otherwise just clutter. Gives a plan of execution for what is otherwise just overwhelming, and therefore undoable. When I entered my post-school adult life, at the ripe old age of 22, I was completely lost. There was no checking off a task one item at a time as the semester went on. There was no clear progression of what came next.

There was just work. And then there was uncharted time.

And in that uncharted time, I was supposed to live.

The problem is, of course, I'd never had to do that. Not since childhood, at least. I didn't know how to relax. I was working or I was worthless. At the time, I was living with an ex. I was sick on and off. I was bored. I was depressed. I was stuck. My whole life loomed ominously ahead of me and I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to live it.

I didn't understand how powerful slowing down could be when I did it in my own context. I believed that there was something innately wrong with me if I couldn't sit still.

I didn't yet understand that my physical inability to "just chill" wasn't me outrunning something deep and broken within me. Didn't understand that different people move at different paces, and that for me being active was what I needed to be content. I was caught in this strange dichotomy of wanting to do so much that I simply couldn't imagine doing any of it.

And then I made an impulse buy that might have saved my life. ***

I know that sounds like clickbait, but let me explain. One of my best friends from high school was coming to visit me in my new adult life, and I wanted to give a thank-you-for-coming-cross-country-to-visit-me present. So I went into a stationary store, and I wandered around, touching the colorful papers and planners. I was trying to decide which one would make me happy. Which weekly template would release me from the freedom I was suddenly trapped in. And then I saw it. It was a black journal with "Bucket List" printed on it in golden, slanting cursive font. I got one for each of us.

I don't think that it was a very good gift, because she didn't use hers.

But I used mine.

And suddenly I was reborn.

101 things I wrote down in pencil. Places to go. Things see. Expereinces to, well, expereinance. Suddenly, the wide-open future felt beautiful.

In the past five years, I've been able to make a dent on that list. And while I can't say I have life figured out, I can say that I'm usually living it. As of now, I've done 34 of the 101 items. I have 67 left.

So although, I don't claim to be an expert by any means, here are my unsolicited tips for writing a doable bucket list.

Write it in PENCIL. Things change. Career aspirations, physical abilities, and political realities. If you write your list in pen -- literally or metaphorically speaking -- you will likely feel the need to give up when certain items on your bucket list feel outdated. List items that you outgrow, or are no longer possible do not serve you. This is something that should live and breathe like you.
Make it comprehensive. My list has things I want to do, places I want to go, career goals I would like to achieve, and personal and family aspirations I would like to fulfill.
Some things should be easy. This is pretty self-explanatory. Not everything on the bucket list should take a lifetime to do.
But not too easy. Although I have managed to do a lot in the past few years, I still have SO much left. I genuinely think it might take my whole life. For me, that makes it special to tick something off, and also doesn't fill me with dread at the thought of finishing.
Purge it. Plan. I typically try to make sure I'm working towards at least a couple of goals on my list at once. By looking at it, I catch things that no longer interest me, and I make sure that the remaining items on my bucket list are still things that I feel excited to do.
Tell your friends. Show people you care about, involve family. I think having things that people want to share with you makes you more likely to do the thing, and also brings you closer to the people around you. It makes the whole thing meaningful. And memories are more special when shared with people you love.
"It's [your] life. Don't you forget."-Talk Talk

So anyways, below is my bucket list as it reads now for anyone who's interested.

But if not, toodles.

-Nic

***Footnote: Extensive therapy and meds "saved" my life. But this helped me tip the scale from survival to thrival. (Thrival is a word I just made up. Defined as "The state of being in which one is thriving." It's my blog and I will do what I want).

My Bucket List (as it currently exists):

Key: Green= Done :)

Orange = Working on

Launch my online sereies
Get a book published.
Get a script produced.
Get my PhD
See Stone Henge
Go on an ethical Safari in Africa
Travel through Europe
Jonesborough: Storytelling capital of the world
Road trip to the Montreal Jazz Festival
Foster New Born Kittens or Puppies
Have a cat
Have a horse
Crochet something
Have my own dog
Have a bird
Drive a boat
Visit New Zealand
Get Interviewed on a Podcast or Talk show, or be on an MFM hometown
Get a tattoo
Travel to Japan
Go to Newfoundland
Have/ adopt/foster a child
Buy a house
Go to the Galapagos
Swim with/ See a Blue whale
Play a really good practical joke on my sister
Participate in community theatre
Knit a scarf
See the Grand Canyon
See fireflies
Go axe throwing
Make a candle
Go to a different country by myself
Rescue an animal in need of a home
Go skinny dipping
See all the national parks (in America)
Do a writing retreat
Grow lavender
Eternal flame falls
Goat yoga
Stay in the giraffe manor in Africa
Use a pottery wheel
Nicolet National Forest
Needle Point something
Get highlights
See snow on the beach
Watch a real horror movie
Make a podcast
Go stand-up paddle boarding
Take my dad on a nice weekend
Take my mom on a nice weekend
Go to Cape Cod
Go to Disneyland in a different country
Go to New Orleans
Visit Egypt
Go Camping
Go to a bachelorette
Be gay at pride
Bake my way through 101 Cook(Bake)Book recipes
Become conversationally fluent in Spanish
Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens
Corn Maze
Smash room
Have kids trick-or-treat at my house
Make my way through 101 recipes of drinks (smoothies, teas, cocktails, etc.).
See the Northern Lights
Ride in a hot air balloon
Feed/wash an elephant (ethically-of course)
Visit all 7 Continents
Mayan Ruins
Take a partner's dancing class
Visit Greece
Go to Salem in October
Cook my way through 101 cookbook recipies
Go somewhere at night where it's just flat and sky
Paintball
Shoot a gun at a gun range
See Niagra Falls
Go to the amazon
Ride on a train through the European countryside alone
Easter Island Statues
Jellyfish Lake in Palau
Road trip across the US
Greenland
Do glass blowing
Grow and eat my own vegetables
Glacier Skywalk National Park
Go for a midnight walk on the beach
Elands Frontier Nature Reserve
Give a warm meal to an unhoused person
Learn something new about someone every day for a year
Stay in an overwater bungalow
Fire shot
Visit the Lizzie Borden house
Learn self-defense (take a class)
Attend a murder mystery party
Read a book every week for a year
Ride a horse on the beach
Work in a bookstore
Iceland
Get a professional massage

Disclaimer: I have a visual processing disorder so there will likely be spelling mistakes. I could say sorry, but I'm not going to. I've decided I'm done apologizing for my bad spelling. I've been told too many times I can't expect to be a writer if I can't spell. So here's me. Writing.

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